One Year Ago Today

Has it been a year already? Or has it been ten years?

One year ago today I was fired from a job I really liked. Not because I wasn't doing a good job. In fact, the boss said my work was fantastic. So, why would they fire someone who was doing such good work? Because I was sick--too sick to continue and be a liability to their company if something should happen to me on the job. I wasn't a permanent employee, but a long term temp worker, having been there 15 months.

Is it the anniversary that has me in an a-fib episode today? Or is it just one of those regular occurances after having a busy day the day before? Actually I had a busy, full weekend starting on Friday with the day spent at Daughter's house. Saturday I spent all day going through all my photographs and sorting them into three categories. Yesterday I actually made it back to church for the first time in many months. If I remember right, the last time I was in church was last June. I think I had been managing to get there about once every other month since I had stopped going weekly because of this a-fib. I was so happy about getting back to church that I took my own picture after I got in the car. Even my arthritis was cooperating, allowing me to walk without pain, not just yesterday, but Saturday as well. It could be that subconsciously I am thinking of the way I felt a year ago today. Maybe it is just the combination of everything.

The doctor's office called earlier. They apparently just got the results of the monitor recordings when I had to wear it for those two weeks awhile back. The doctor has decided to take me off the flecainide as it isn't working for me anymore. I won't know what he will replace it with until next Monday at my next appointment. And he is having me go back on the coumadin. Darn. I hate that stuff. But if you want to talk money, it is MUCH cheaper than the flecainide...like by $100.

All I have done today other than my usual call center job is rest. That is how it always is right after an episode starts. This one started during the first few minutes of working today. I particularly hate when it starts that way because at first it just knocks the wind out of me and that makes it hard to talk much. Not good for a call center employee whose job relies on talking. Oh my, that just made me think that my mother would have said that call center work is perfect for me because I have always been one who talks a lot. In fact she used to say I was vaccinated with a phonograph needle. Are any of my readers old enough to remember what those are? Well, in a-fib, talking is minimal...breathing is priority, rest is mandatory. It is the days like today that remind me where I was and how I felt a year ago today. I was on that day just 10 days away from a scheduled cardioversion. (Two scheduled cardiversions never happened because I apparently "scared myself" back into normal rhythm just before time for the proceedure.) Also just 10 days away from the birth of youngest Grandson.

So, this past year has been filled with all kinds of emotion, as well as all kinds of events. Getting fired, winning a battle against the company for wrongful termination with unemployment, but not being awarded benefits because, in their words, I was too sick to work, so until I was able to work full time, I could not get the benefits. I also went through the process of applying to Social Security for SSI and SSDI, having the support of the congressman for our district, and the long wait while they made their determination on my eligibility. In addition to all this, there was the dealing with Mrs. Landlady concerning keeping my home. With the help of two churches, and the Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation, I kept my home, got medicine for a month, and got set up with everything I needed to be able to do this call center job. When it all came together it happened almost simultaneously within a two month period in which I got SSI, then got SSDI and started working in the call center. The rest of the year has been spent in settling into the job, getting accustomed to being disabled, and working to get better. This weekend seems to me to have been a wonderful ending for this past year even if today is not. To have had three perfect days in a row, well that hasn't happened in a long time. Yesterday was the closest to normal that I have felt in probably two years since I got sick almost two years ago.

So what do I have to say to anyone out there going through this kind of deal? Don't give up. Hang on, get the help you need, pray, have faith in God. If the ones you always thought would be there for you disappear, don't be angry with them. They don't know how to respond. Forgive them, love them, and pray for them. Rejoice in the ones who do show up for you. You are going to make it and get through this even if it seems like it is taking forever and you can't see the light at the end of this particular tunnel.

What do I have to say about still being sick, just not as bad as I was? I take this all as a reminder of where I once was, and how God has brought me through it all, and that He is the One in control, not me. He is the one who owns each and every breath and heartbeat. I have no control over either. And God is Good All The Time! (I Peter 5:12)